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Wolfgang Aloysius Pfaertkettle
Craven T Forespoke
Beatrix Noseboff
Aard Vrnaard
Snorky the Poodge
Clinton S Cardswipe
W W Wishcake
Bidding starts at a hundred Bitcoin each. Winners get Authorised Certificate of Ownership plus 10% of proceeds goes to the Board of Piss Off.
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bard of piss talks
elevating Sir
Jeffrey Epstein Lord
posthumous award
ain’t it absurd
shucks the geezer had
royal houses licked
servants Maxwell picked
cut him a tad
heaven knows the sex
crimes they faced but died
long before the lies
surfaced on X
evidence of guilt
barely graced their lips
on dictatorships
empires were built
excavate their bones
relics to revere
bung the guy a peer
age of the clones
these lies are true II
nineteen thirty-eight
history books shall prove
Hitler was removed
dude sealed his fate
when the world was faced
nineteen sixty-nine
with a heinous crime
being well placed
saved the Rolling Stones
as they came on stage
from a shooter’s rage
sent on the drones
in the year of dick
taser Epstein’s tricks
nineteen ninety-six
dude had him sicked
best of all same guy
in that fateful year
took one in the eye ear
truth just won’t die
merry-go-round
if we’re honest love is false
having people live on lies
loitering as passion dies
stuck on a waltz
have the author drill a new
book of what to say & do
who to ditch or tootle to
hang on a clue
time they asked was it a whore
feeding off an empty drive
keeping villagers alive
knocking on doors
screw the romance out of sex
the transactional kiss good
riddance to its shall & should
wait for the next
bus but maybe save on fares
senior citizens unfazed
catalogued by fantasies
musing on chairs
*
love is one long song
clever words & tune
worming through the moon
light on a pond
trip in a balloon
safety harness on
smooth as silicon
no parachute
broken biscuit tin
full of Christmas pud
extra helping should
do your head in
love is better glued
on the sides of trucks
advertising hook’s
babes in the mood
buried down the park
underneath a tree
aid to memory
light in the dark
*
hell it’s no
just a mo
in your ear
dear
sell by date
hand of fate
time we spilt
milk
sound of words
sense absurd
fond of cheese
Jeez
tie the knot
get the lot
on a plate
Kate
come & go
straight or queer
seeing here
blow
U-Crane
Congress Gaza Venezuela God
who they gonna skyjack next them black
holes Iran Afganistan Iraq
building a squad
call them greatest architect of all
Newton Heisenberg & Einstein cloned
Marie Curie Stopes on speakerphone
Pink Floyd on Wall
Street they’ll say it one more time or ten
shoot the Milky Way belongs to us
Proxima Centauri’s claim is pus
who’s got the men
Adolf Joe or Genghis Julius
Satan none of which American
only bloke round here to get things done
hoots on the bus
deconstruction plant for sale or lease
get in while they’re hot now place your
bets
human race or self drive 3D chess
lifting for peace
untitled draft
don't worry they’s nothing but
Americanisms
& them a stand-out politician whose
improv routines popular for their wooden repetitiveness spends hours at the mirror
literally hurling brown tuppences at their audience in the manner of a padishah
disbursing golden coin & therefore do we offer this irreverent verse
passions torment then
torrent back as joys
smoking with the boys
do it again
infantile regrets
get a vengeful twist
lance them like a cyst
guard dogs for pets
bugger me I shan’t
let these feelings go
someone ought to know
don’t say you can’t
tell a tout from Top
Cat in jury doubt
who am I to out
think like a cop
chocolate money fake
scrip the name of peace
wonders sure will cease
grift on a take
fragment
what you see & who you get
ain’t the same as how you bet
you can tell them by their eyes
piles in the skies
nature reverse
herds of tame wildebeest graze the virgin plains
of New Antarctica
a commited schizophrenic versus a pair of
conjoined arm wrestlers for president
penguins in plastic suits cross the frozen
crusts of gas giant moons
glib vegans beat anthropomorphic vegetarians
senseless with selfie sticks
an albino hippopotamus appears in the room
of an elephant with diarrhea
refugees from Mars sign on as unemployed former
astronauts
underground golf clubs nudist camps & sewage
farms held on alternate Sundays in March
but if the children of the workers are
still bored call Henry Ford
these & other lines are all you get after
Don & Eldon’s delinquent comedy set
hometown myth
pardon me there
have to observe
temporary
reasons to swear
all of us here
lovely my dear
don’t even care
everything’s queer
numbers of folk
working like dope
just to survive
see how it poke
flexible lies
dormant the files
back of their smiles
share your unease
here’s what to hope
four to one cope
odds on we’ll mope
given the mop
dim view
Venus Earth & Mars are no
three-ringed circus act although
orbiting or what they go
on with the show
outer planets take the view
all their fuss is mainly due
to an over heated blue
shift in the glue
put another way they don’t
give a monkey’s cos it won’t
make no difference simply note
some rocks will float
as for Pluto who knows how
such a lump can take their bow
planetoids just ain’t allowed
audience cowed
stupid solar system bored
asteroids may not afford
ticket prices having soared
comets outlawed
honest
isn't America
great
making work for blokes
like me
dumb-arsed circus runaways
fish in the sea
jokes aside you
know my name
silver dollar all
my own
Bumph’s the one you’re
betting on
talking the game
folks it’s what the
market wants
wearing out your
daddy’s pants
what’s inside them
hornets ants
taking no chance
lo-down ho-down Würlitzer
seven rides a penny
Ma’am
get your curlies straightener
it’s an exam
contrast me with anyone
officer I’m
willing take
down my every word
I make
no more’n I fake
Police Canteen S4E17
cos there’s been a poisoning
quarantine the force
call Inspector Horsemeat in
tho the gossip’s getting worse
larks have gotta sing
time to blow the coffee curse
liver bacon sausage rolls
suspect frying bread
beans on toast with garden gnomes
fishing at the river’s end
flounders in the zone
dealing with the plateful dead
let the owl informants in
now on Nitflox One
indigestibles begin
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