Sunday, 4 October 2020

2-Sheds Greerson on Sappho et al

 

Germaine Greer In Her Prime

Germaine Greer’s celebrity status must have made it hard for the lowly publisher's boy to have read her tome in draft form and said, “Well yes, Ms. Greer, it contains some super stuff, but does it really have to be such a hotch podge?” Myself, I'm not totally against the sprawling baggage of it – it’s all about women poets, yes – but it's less a book than a great bundle of notes. There’s a fair tranch of literary sleuthing here, the drafts of three different postdoctoral theses, and piles of memos towards a crusader’s manifesto. Oh, Germainey Greerson!

I’m coming to this owl feminist treasure a bit late in life, having read nothing much by her (not even The Female Eunuch). I first stole glances at Kate Millet back in the 70s, so I suppose I wasn’t looking for much else in the way of wimmin's literary criticism. Miller destroyed DH Lawrence & Norman Mailer in one fell swoop, did anyone else need doing? Well, yes, of course; but not.. glancing over my shoulder... necessarily with my collusion... Ostensibly, Greer’s book sets out to knock women poets off their lowly pedestals. But the reason I pick out Slip-Shod Sibyls (1995, hrdbck, v. gd cnd, Xfm, Bld St. L1, £3.95 ) is because their author has most recently been having a go at transgender folk, and I’m curious to know what makes her tick, as well as thirsty for a cheap take on Sappho. On the positive side, I get some of what I’m looking for; so thanks Dr Greer, you have delivered; though not in the way I was expecting. Was it ever.

Is this really yet another book on Sappho? Well, that would be taking a liberty with it. But Slip-Shod Sibyls does exactly so with its readers. Here goes, then... Who exactly was Sappho, when she was at home? Back in the day (ie the Classical Era onwards) she was sometimes called The Female Homer. She was also known as The Woman Poet, as if that made her one of a kind. But staying with Homer for a kick off, what does it mean to be his female equivalent?

He, blind, led by a boy, came down from Mount Ida with two complete epic poems in his head. Each piece was long enough to take several days to perform. He’d have toured from state to city state, from the shores of Western Anatolia, across the islands and mainland of Greece, to the badlands of Macedonia; possibly he even crossed the Adriatic to work the Greek colonies on the nearside of Italia. His source material came from generations of previous bards. Modern scholars identify some sections of the epics where the style differs (uses a different vocabulary, has alternative word forms, displays other grammar structures). These are usually considered to be interpolations or corruptions of the original text. But there is always the possibility that they were Homer’s additions to a common corpus. And it’s also possible that Homer wasn’t one person, but himself an amalgam of bards. His blindness, and therefore his illiteracy, could also have been exploited and copied by tribute acts. He may even have performed with a troupe of musicians, though the semi-staged form of epic verse performance – the dithyramb – probably came later on. What is certain, however, is that at some point his work began to be transcribed, and thus ceased to exist in a purely oral form.

Unless Homer was a former soldier, blinded by a barbarian arrow - which surely would have been noted somewhere - he didn’t compose from his own experience. The craft was storytelling, and what we get from him is the skill to redress well-known stories in more entertaining garb. There is a religious aspect to the art form he used, and which we have come to know as epic poetry. In fact by the late classical era, his Iliad and Odyssey were being studied in the same way the Old and New Testaments were poured over by scholars of the early modern era. So when a Greek scroll jockey of the late classical period refers to Sappho as the Female Homer, was does it mean?

There’s not much Boys’ Own stuff in Sappho, just references to her brother's Káraksus's voyages. Was he an early Sinbad of the Aegean? But who knows what else was there, because there’s not much of anything in Sappho. Her work was largely exterminated by the iconoclasts of Byzantium (between the sixth and ninth centuries AD). Not content with destroying Christian images, successive waves of Orthodox Puritans also burned the titillating books of ancient authors. Sappho’s fall from Female Homer to seedy pornographer left only references to her work in the notes of the classical literati.

Ironically, while Homer’s true origins are disputed by rival city states, Sappho’s are far easier to reconstruct in time and place. Probably during the eighth or early seventh century BCE, her grandfather(s) or great-grandfather(s) joined a band of Aeolian adventurers from mainland Greece that seized the island of Mytilene (also called Lesbos) from its aboriginal rulers. Quite what ‘aboriginal’ means in this context is not clear, but the archaeological evidence points to less sophisticated groups of inhabitants until the late archaic period. Enslaving the indigenous folk (to live off their labour, the fruits of the land, and the surrounding sea) gave Sappho’s lot aristocratic status. This meant she’d’ve had sufficient leisure to to spend her days on extra murals. It’s thought that she and her contemporary, the soldier-poet Alcaeus, suffered under a new political regime on Mytilene, which had taken over from the descendants of the island’s conquerors. But whereas Alcaeus’s faction failed in its attempt to seize an outpost on the mainland (and restore their fortunes), Sappho’s family got into trade, although this too may not have been enough to maintain her status. Later in life she seems to have left the island and to sing for her supper, as it were, like Homer on an extended tour of Greece.

Turning back to what little we know of Sappho’s output, these fragments could hardly be more different from Homer. No epic works are cited, all her known pieces were song-length verses in a variety of rhythms. Some were hymns to the gods, others appear to have been occasional verses associated with events, such as an annual celebration of female beauty, or the anticipated return of Káraksus from a trading voyage. She gets the credit for strumming the kitara (a type of harp) with a plectrum, which would highlight the rhythmic quality of her grooves. She composed in the Aeolian dialect of Greek; and the enduring popularity of her verses, along with those of Alcaeus and the earlier soldier poet Archilochus (of Paros), must have contributed to its survival into the Hellenistic and Roman eras. Sappho was not the first Greek poet to have used her own erotic japes as source material for songs (Archilochus's humorous love ditties for inst.), but since her verses were collected in nine volumes, the quantity as well as the quality of the catalogue must have been impressive. Nor were Sappho and Alcaeus the first popular and innovative stars to have been discovered on the island. Arion of Mythymna (on the North East corner) had flourished at Periander’s court over in Corinth about half a century earlier. Tribute acts to all four of these Aeolian bards were active from the late fifth century onwards. Another major point to point out is that as Archilochus and Alcaeus both innovated by including their less reputable behaviour in song (eg, getting roaring drunk, and running off battlefields), whereas Sappho celebrated love for both men and women in verse (and that may not have been considered odd at the time). Later on, she gained a reputation for what became known as lesbianism, while Archilochus got himself banned in Sparta.

If Homer's work sprang from a pre-existant tradition of epic story-telling, what did Sappho have to draw on? Songs sung to give thanks or to plea for help at religious gatherings certainly; and also work songs – women's work in particular, and Eressos (the area Sappho's family are associated with) is on one of the largest agricultural plains that occur here and there between the dry, rocky hills of Mytilene. We also know sailors and sea fishermen of all countries and times have used song as a means of bonding to carry out arduous and repetitive tasks. Sappho's family included seafaring folk, so it's logical to assume she would have heard sea shanties sung by the men at home. There's a tradition on the island that a “beauty contest” took place somewhere near the head of the Gulf of Gera, and it's possible a female beauty cult may even have existed prior to the Aeolian invasion. Again, this occasion may be seen as partially religious as, for example, the ancient Olympics were; but music would be the natural accompaniment to such a gala, whether it was a civic or a religious rite. And then there is the strong possibility that marriage ceremonies would have been the setting for musicians and singers to gather, so for Sappho to have travelled there – even by boat, as it is two or three days' gruelling walk from Eressos – could have been a regular fixture of her year. Alcaeus is said to have composed for symposia - a posh name for drinking parties - and since it's known he was familiar with her work, it's also possible that women either took part in these, or held similar parties of their own.

While Homer's work was seen to embody virtues and failings such as valour, pride, betrayal, heroism and despair – we know that Sappho's work was valued for its portrayal of emotions. Because the canon we have is so pitiful, we can only speculate on some of the areas she touched on. Love, longing and envy we can be sure of. There seems to be a certain amount of voyeurism, and since Sappho's feelings transcended gender, and because her affections were not purely sexual anyway, it seems she might have sung of sisterhood as well as brotherhood, and possibly parenthood. If she was not universally revered in the ancient world – as Homer was – she was beloved of many. Any woman, whether housewife or hetaira, who could sing Sappho's songs would herself have been revered.

What does Germaine Greer have to say about the context Sappho wrote in, and why her work – after circulating for a thousand years - gradually and effectively disappeared? I’m afraid the lengthy chapter on Psappha, as she prefers to call the woman, is mostly an engagement with those translators and critics who have spent much (if not the whole!) of their careers on what would otherwise have been an obscure literary backwater, given the paucity of material to work from. Sappho must hold the record for the greatest number of words written on the scantiest of fragments. Yet every other year, out comes another major translation, flooding the market with page upon page of prefaces, footnotes, endnotes, agendas addendas, pudendas and acknowledgements to be flogged at twenty-odd quid the hit. And so we have Greer throwing her oar into this wet and dry fray and I wonder if she has anything of real value to add? The basic premise of her book is that women poets never really got started in this male preserve, and we do them a disservice by holding them up to the same standards as their male colleagues. But I don’t think this close textual analysis of Sappho’s flimsy remnants sorts the myths from the perceived history. In fact, I think it would be misogynistic to suggest that the purging of Sappho was anything other than her being lumped with the other ancient writers who were subversive, and whose work least conformed to early puritan values.

Instead, Greer chooses to benchmark her view of women poets on the legacy of Sappho; showing how her work was first imitated or recycled by the Romans Catullus and Ovid, and then reconstructed from the Renaissance onwards. She shows how being compared to Sappho has fared through the ages, reaching a very low point at the turn of the eighteenth century, when the term “a Sappho” was used for a kind of literary prostitute, ie: a woman poet who traded on her sex. (Our author, having served time in the porn racket, might know something about that.) But this much is true, male poets - Rochester, for example - are never referred to as "an Alcaeus" or "an Archilochus".

But, oh dear, I'm afraid have struck out far beyond Greer’s scheme of work. So what? In fact, her book gets going with a hundred pages on what it means to be a woman poet, and on the Tiresian hermaphroditism of much poetry. The latter serves as both as benchmark for the notion that poetry shouldn’t need sexing at all; and the ground rule that male and female poets may write from the viewpoint of either sex. In the former, Greer kicks off the global, multilingual cross-era scope of these studies by quoting a bunch of Italian Renaissance women poets in the original (transliterated as footnotes). Here, she says, women could compose poetry without reference even to the framework of courtly expectation. In a sort of Pre-Raphaelite approach, she evokes a golden era of versifying by women unconstrained by market forces. Publication being a disaster for young women who, in the centuries to come, would shoot to sudden fame in England (and elsewhere).

Dealing with “the enigma of Sappho” in chapter four, then, is a somewhat retrograde move, before resuming the early modern thread she left off in Renaissance Italy. Greer roughly divides the women poets of seventeenth century England into those whom class and leisure gave the opportunity to write - and writers for a living. Aphra Behn, being literally first and foremost of the professional female scribes, gets two chapters. But mostly it’s the aristocratic ladies - who wrote for coteries of friends, and whose works were either bootlegged by pamphleteers or published as vanity works - that get most of her attention. Indeed, she seems to prefer those women who could write without worrying about paying the bills. But it’s the extent to which the work of both groups was altered before publication - in some cases while simply being transcribed – that most interests her. Women submitting their work to men for approval (either as upper class amateurs, or as women writing to order (the lower class professionals), meant them not merely having a few spelling or grammatical mistakes edited out; but the frequent excision of whole verses and the complete rewriting of lines was their lot. And the fact this seems to have been done most often with their approval seems to suggest that women naturally accepted men’s superiority in literary matters. Greer argues that the devaluation of women poets has its roots in women’s lack of education at this time, in the tendency to demure to the opinion of better educated men. She reinforces this argument with page upon page of quotations illustrating discrepancies between manuscript poems and their printed versions. Whereas with Sappho, where the close reading is in the interpretation of ambiguous or missing Greek words, the distinctions are much less open to dispute...

It's at this juncture that I begin to think of Greer as someone muttering in a shed. These pages of proofs are challenges to various obscure academics, rather than pertinent examples to be set before the public. I go back to the transliterations (the word-by-word translations she quoted alongside the Renaissance Italian poems) and I can’t help wondering if she has read the originals at all? I wonder if all that ancient Greek wasn’t just Greek to her, or is she really qualified to do more than read the ancient alphabet and pronounce the words? I wonder if, like some literary Jack-of-all-trades, she isn’t just trying to trump all academics in all fields in order to make her view more widely accepted? I’m sorry to labour the argument, but I wonder if she isn’t a 2-Sheds Greerson, muttering in pseudo Italian in one hut, and bastard Greek in the other? I wonder if, like in the Monty Python sketch I’m alluding to (the interview with "Arthur 2-Sheds Jackson") she shouldn’t be brought to book, not on the new symphony she has written, but on the need for two sheds? Gustav Mahler, after all, wrote nine whole symphonies in ONE shed (let’s call a hut a shed, eh?). OK, this is getting silly. But so is dragging us bystanders in on one academic dispute after another. I mean, there may be room for argument here, but surely not for contradiction; let's just agree that women, like all writers, have been edited, bowdlerised, marginalised, cheated, plagiarised, pilloried and plain dumped; and that most anyone determined to make a living by their pen is apt to be exploited.

But to be driven to suicide or subjected sexual abuse are other matters indeed. Greer quite rightly points out that the incidence of suicide and early death amongst successful women poets of both the nineteenth and twentieth centuries is appalling. L.E.L., a woman poet in the early nineteenth century is an early example of the phenomenon. Shooting to fame as a teenage poet in the 1820s, by the mid 30s, with a successful on-going writing career, she married a colonial officer, moved to the Cape Colony, and within a few months had taken her own life (with poison she had taken along for the job). From L.E.L. to Sylvia Plath, who gassed herself in 1963, the poetry scene is littered with female suicides, and the dead bodies of female bards - from Browning to Bishop – whose lifestyle choices - addictions - brought them early death. Greer doesn’t crassly try to explain these deaths, she points out the common factors. One is early fame, another is self harm or abusive relationships. Also, many of these women poets who killed themselves have written about suicide, or their work shows a strong interest in death or dying. Furthermore, there seems to be an association of poetry with suffering, which affects more women than men.

The Duke of Rochester’s niece may or may not have been abused by him, though it seems one Restoration aristocrat or another did abuse her as a child. In another century, L.E.L. may have been blackmailed out of her youthful earnings either by an abuser himself, or by someone who knew she had been abused. The early Victorian period was an extreme reaction to the excesses of the previous generation. Two centuries before, while London was recovering from the puritanism of the Interregnum, liberty suddenly brought exposure to market forces. Women writers without an income had little to keep them from the debtors’ prison than to sell themselves in one way or another. Aphra Behn may even have had to become a spy in order to maintain her standing at the court of Charles II. But in contrast to what she says about the suicide of women poets, Greer doesn’t present much evidence of sexual or other abuse appearing in the work. The line seems to be that women poets – like Sappho, the Renaissance Italians or whoever let love rule their emotional lives - would end up being damaged by it. At the same time, women poets who eschewed carnal love in their work, for example Christina Rossetti or Elizabeth Bishop, would become cold and remote. Women poets, it would seem, often suffer from an addiction to pain, which for some originates in their abuse as children or teenagers.

I read somewhere that Germaine Greer eschews biography. It may have something to do with the way she has been portrayed over the years. But she has courted publicity for six decades now, and her latest tirades against transgender folk are typical of the controversial stance she has taken over several great issues. Back in the Sixties and Seventies, she was deliberately aligning herself with Hugh Heffner, to the horror of her sisters in the feminist movement. And her appearances in Playboy - both in print and a swimming costume - were actually child's play compared to some of her other exposures. Neither should it be forgotten that she's made shed-loads of money out of books, magazines and associated activities; and including just one very brief brush with the law, this notoriety has only boosted her sales and appearance fees. At one point she owed so much in back revenues that, like many of the pop stars of the day, she bunked off into tax exile. I'm sorry, but I find it impossible to take anyone's controversial stance too seriously when it's clear they get a sales hike every time they take one

But to get back to biography, as it appears in this book, the cases of Aphra Behn, Anne Wharton (Rochester’s niece) and especially L.E.L. deserve Greer's special insight, sleuthing and comparative Lit. Crit.. If you exclude all the notes and index, almost a quarter of the book is taken up by Letitia Landon. Known to her public as L.E.L. (her middle name, btw, was Elizabeth), she was beloved as the writer of epic verse fantasies set in Renaissance Italy. This was a genre not unfamiliar to the generation before her short lifespan (1802-38), for example in the gothic romance novels of Charlotte Dacre. But by writing in verse and adopting a pseudo Byronic tone, she succeeded in carving out a decent living from a loyal fanbase. Greer gives us a comparative analysis of the work, showing that despite the fantastic nature of her stories, their fatalistic plots pointed towards a flawed psychology that would lead, ultimately, to her own suicide. Setting her life alongside that of many other young women poets who died before their primes - by taking their own lives or having unhealthy lifestyles - would have been sufficient. But for some reason we are then treated to a full-on account of her love life, a literary scandal she was embroiled in, speculation on the blackmail theory, pages of asides around the London literary and art scene, and finally we are plunged into pure biography territory with the introduction of George Maclean - a dour Scot and sub-specimen of the David Livingstone species with whom L.E.L. falls, apparently in love. Two thousand words serve just to introduce him. There follows a dozen ups and downs in as many pages, before they marry and then, after another well documented delay, take off for the Cape. True, as history, it's fascinating stuff, but writing that veers so far off track could almost be a different author's work. While a twenty or thirty pages are enough for Greer to cover Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Christina Rossetti's equally complex and puzzling lives, why L.E.L.'s warrants a hundred baffles me. This is serious muttering in a hut, arguing with phantom critics in a wash-house, getting all academic in the john. Because, if she wasn't such a snob about biography, perhaps the writer could have cut to the chase and done a decent, modern, scholarly job on L.E.L.’s?

And here's where my big question kicks in: what makes Dr. Greer tick? What drives her into this position where women have not made great poets because the poetry world has been run by men, and so it follows that women poets have never truly been themselves?

Greer believes in women’s liberation, but she’s never been an equal rights activist. For her, men and women are different creatures. As long as women have to play by men's rules, they'll always come second or third. She's an apocalyptic feminist, one who believes in a revolution where women will break away from men and set up their own rules. She doesn’t tell us when this will come about, which comet will be flying past at the time; or if she does tell us, we'll have to buy another of her books to find out.

For many people feminism and socialism are two sides of the same coin. For the others, the balancing force is wicca or some other natural order. They're opposing viewpoints, because whereas the former speaks to reason and common sense, the latter is essentially religious. And those who use dialectical argument to explain supernatural concepts are mavericks. True, from the neck down, men and women have two or three fundamental differences; but from the neck up the differences are literally all in the mind. It's true that hormones can affect our mental state, but who was it that went around banging the drum for HRT a few decades back? And how many middle aged women sat up and took notice of her? Gynaecologists were rubbing their hands.

Winning an argument does not mean simply telling the truth. You can floor the opposition with a pithy put-down, with a gem of pseudo science, with an emotional appeal to loyalties, or with a nugget of prejudice masquerading as proof. Has Greer defended suttee – the burning of a wife on her husband's funeral pyre - for its cultural value? I think not, but she has said that female genital mutilation is an enduring cultural practice that people in the West should stop trying to stamp out. In other words, she invokes anti-imperialism in order to defend an extreme form of sexual violence against girls. If I begged to point out that the excision of the clitoris was as irreversible as beheading the victim, I might just win the argument. But I don't need to say more than selling millions of books did not make Hitler's views on race acceptable, or truthful.

It's a shame I had to say that, because Germaine Greer has probably done more good than any other advocate of women's liberation and - despite her contrarian views - for equality. Her outspokenness and the appeal she's had to both sexes (for whatever reasons) have raised crucial issues, and her own years in the limelight have served as a beacon to far more than just her own worth. I wonder if sometimes she doesn't just argue for the sake of it, knowing that awareness is raised no matter how or why.

To sum up, I would argue that of course there IS some truth in Germaine Greer's point of view – that women have often failed to be in favourable comparison with men (as poets and many other professions) because men have made the rules. But as can be seen from the preeminence of Sappho in the highly personal, emotional verse of late antiquity onwards, women - unhindered by precedence, convention or economy - can make an art form their own. And while women have colluded in the exploitation of their sex by excluding themselves & limiting their own opportunities, it isn't right to denigrate what they HAVE achieved. Not enough Mary Shelleys have come to the fore; and women painters and composers have had a lousy deal over the years. But the idea it will take a revolution that sets men and women apart to see the emergence of female equivalents of Homer, Shakespeare et al is messianic defeatism. That leaves Germaine Greer in a rather poor light, I'm afraid. But I don't think she gives a damn, and we kind of love her for that.

Not Everyone's Hut!





Thursday, 3 September 2020

from the chapbook: less romantic ballads

2nd in the series, less is more. Here's why...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/less-romantic-ballads-Philip-Lee-ebook/dp/B08H824LKP/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=less+romantic+ballads&qid=1599139270&sr=8-1

click image to purchase



these are the outtakes



deep inside some caves are hands that sprayed

forward from the depths of time they say

people have evolved from creatures who

stared into space



walked a kind of paradise they guessed

somewhere in the future eggheads or

shamans even other artists would

resurrect them



now they’re on YouTube how’s that for stars

lighting up their miserable affairs

sorry no one really knows the deal

cave dwellers had



all the same you cannot but admire

talent take the use of coloured out

line & if perspective is your thing

man do they swing



shades of Banksy come to mind the way

fucken hooligan pot holders left

their graffiti countless years ago

priceless or what



***



bought this billiard table in a job

lot it’s lashed on the back of the van’s

why I’m driving the long way around

speed bumps galore



heavy bastard at the best of times

feel that jolt I’m gonna snap my back

axel one of these mornings but still

billiards are cool



my old man would spend his afternoons

playing halls this was before the war

worked till dawn he did the Savoy Grill

lived off The Cut



let me hang a right & park up here

out of sight OK you wanna know

if I'll do your friend a favour ask

nicely is all



shifting treasures is my business see

tell yer man there’s one condition though

half the proceeds go to kids in need

we’ve got a deal



***



don't religion play its part in art

gods aside not talking worship here

just the basic celebration stuff

music & words



Fresco Baldy makes a lovely drink

mixed with gin & lemonade they say

sacrilege to water down its taste

Jesus H Christ



fizz is fizz no matter what your French

Champagne mafia says who gives a Buck

fucken Rogers for authentic me

long as it’s cold



here’s another trick to spice things up

chunks of ginger root cut while it’s fresh

boil the liquor out then let it cool

gives cocktails heat



nowt like fooling folk a drink’s got more

kick than bite all mouth no trousers eh

send em home half sober & they’ll thank

you for the crack



No thanks!



Saturday, 1 August 2020

no Great Schism


Mehmet & Zoe
Mehmet & Zoë


no Great Schism



Friday prayers or Sunday worship what

ever noise you fill the building with

place remains a pile of stones an earth

quake can bring down


flying buttresses have been run up

god knows the reinforcements behind

ceilings vaulting over visitors

sighted or blind


Church of Holy Wisdom working Mosque

plus museum open outside call

times with drapes & lazer lights to play

find the old queen


wear galoshes Ladies put on scarves

what's the difference old Byzantium's

gone for good no emperors will be crowned

Greek Turk or Roum


twice iconoclasts tore at the walls

Roman Catholics carted off its gold

during quakes the roof keeps falling in

future's on hold


Hagia Sophia - Church of the Holy Widsom


crown a Saxon king of Albion

kick the white man out of Washington

dig Mohicans up & offer them

wigwams & land


Mehmet conquered old Byzantium

fair & square as William did in ten

sixty-six according to the rules

prevalent then


victor's justice true but who can sort

right from wrong when centuries have gone

skipping by in half the time it takes

empires to die


let them pray for only they can say

if it's yay or nay who holds the keys

forces acting on remote control

earthquakes & floods


just one point of order on these prayers

why not let the Christians have a say

after all 'twas they who put up Saint

Sophia's dome


Aya Sofya


nationalism's not a dirty word

nor's religion but what is absurd's

mixing up the two as though a pair's

ten to the third


Atatürk was right to drag his folks

screaming foul into the modern world

had they kept their Padishah on hold

woe to the fold


lambs of god or mutton dressed as wolves

holy rolling Pentecostal fires

burning in the eyes of Rasputin

other Putin


get me to a sanctuary like Mars

oops another symbol end of wars

specially if it's god they're fighting for

promise no cause


everyone should get the chance to score

highly in the lottery of life

if they've bought a ticket or sold their

cow for a curse


no war is great!



Saturday, 4 July 2020

from the chapbook: unromantic ballads

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08BDSDJM4


keep it safe


if a law against

dresses slit this high were passed

could I be more hip


sitting at a bar

slurping scoops of fizzy pink

minding my own biz


when some cat comes by

businessman in natty togs

smiling what a cheek


can he take a pew

no one’s got their name on them

welcome stranger up


yours we pass the time

talking fast & drinking slow

nothing to remark


cept the old malaise

newbie wears a fuzzy face

loose about the jowls


says he’s parked his car

on a brew outside the joint

which is funny cos


nearest slope of note

would be Brownlow Hill about

half a mile inland


then he draws a small

packet from his jacket sleeve

slipping it my way


you take that from me

Honey been so fancy free

I’ll be getting off


indiscrete I lied

should’ve asked to be excused

stead of thanking him


proper cards are few

these days specially when the bars

turn away their trade


see you when I do

giving out his parting shot

so he disappears


***


as the afternoon

segues into eventide

still the night is young


we have sat & talked

through a horror film the bar

staff taken their breaks


happy hour has dragged

on the punters been & gone

midnight bells have rung


stay-behind begun

when a half familiar face

pops around the door


deja-vu or what

could it be some divorcee’s

twin brother-in-law


takes a pew & winks

I have almost upped & left

three times for a smoke


but obnoxious herbs

have a tendency to stink

even when they’re chewed


either that or food

but another gin my friend

then I shall be gone


***


conversation please

nothing heavy crass or crude

parse the port ol’ chum


never was at sea

myself cabin crew nor cruise

must be someone else


he’s calling me out

such a blooming cheek you bad

lad take that & that


gets me by the choke

whispering I’ll have your arse

cursing like a tar


what you got in there

turning out my snapper purse

finds the packet worse


sees I’ve barely ten

bob to go no taxi fare

left to strut on heels


all the way up Bold

Street & past the bombed out church

Leece Hardman curse


worst luck the Cass is

heaving youngsters having fun

keep straight on


Catherine Street & Ma

Ling’s oh giz some chips my love

put it on the tab


feet are killing me

home at last without the stash

filthy coppers ask


anyone round here

who is on the game but them

gotta have a snore


no pay with Prime!


Monday, 1 June 2020

Starbuck martyrs


to go not latte


Starbuck martyrs



take the Moby Dick

out of Pergolesi &

what the hell you got


***


spoiler Hamlet's dead

by the end while Romeo

goes & tops himself


Juliet is left

facing the house bereft of

life without her best


boy there is no choice

stage directions call for that

final mad dispatch


***


so episode one

stars attract a teenage moth

who begins to act


up though he is cute

talent stands him out he flies

through the local boards


past the hopeful hordes

clamouring on TV shows

to the silver screen


fame was made for him

Oscar just another role

he so young & all


activist as well

awesome of conviction he

pledges interest


airing precious time

mans selected barricades

such a throbbing heart


then about ten years

into living at the top

he is asked to play


Romeo on stage

all the buffs go wild to see

Homey in the flesh


filling theatres

selling out the floating world

with his struts & frets


but one fateful night

kneeling there in leotards

downs the poison draft


Juliet awakes

underneath the hero’s fat

bitter almond lips


does her best to act

natural till the curtain falls

when all hell breaks loose


***


people on the in

side begin to doubt at once

not the way to go


not the boy they know

but the word is just embrace

incredulity


pundits writhe a field

day is had by online shrinks

YouTube comments crash


speculation soars

conspiracy theorists

see careers mapped


while the grieving few

relatives & friends stay numb

for at least a week


***


next to do the deed

staging public suicide

comes a bodyguard


few would know her name

family & childhood friends

comrades on the job


not the Property

though countless times she’s given

presidential nods


for a moment’s fame

who could slit their throat like that

broadcast live on prime


hostage take on self

slaughter black & white in full

colour sickening


gets ten zillion views

closeups every angle caught

nothing left to thought


just her reason why

do that awful thing on live

oughta be a crime


***


Sherlock Holmes forget

amateur professional

rivalry just ask


was she gay as if

lovers’ tiffs could stoop to such

summits of the heart


what we need's an app

something that'll number crunch

random into hunch


two times best of five

seven then thirteen all die

counting in-betweens


Fibonacci

spotified from seventeen

to infinity


***


next to air their death

comes an athlete on the up

black & male perhaps


bi the virus goes

Sportsman of the Year a show

watched on sofa beds


cyanide no yawns

this time shockingly employed

zooming in on yeuch


let’s appoint a sleuth

someone who can represent

never mind the truth


call them Agent X

given office rides a horse

has a sidekick worse


based in London but

talks American a girl

in a suitcase case


***


X is pinning dots

on a map the size of France

pan to sidekick’s face


by-the-bye a hunk

name of Kuryakin why

Uncle Robert knows


finds a clue in Dan

Brown’s umpteenth upcoming book

see page seventeen


here the tropes go hay

wire-on-sea each episode

mired in foreign code


bring the writers in

knock their heads together stir

matters up you pervs


number four’s for keeps

else this series be your last

pull the plug you dig


cut to throat there’s X

making an arrest but no

dies the freakin death


cast is now a jest

suicide is back on prime

who will wear the vest


wot not caffeine