Showing posts with label Archilochus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Archilochus. Show all posts

Sunday, 4 October 2020

2-Sheds Greerson on Sappho et al

 

Germaine Greer In Her Prime

Germaine Greer’s celebrity status must have made it hard for the lowly publisher's boy to have read her tome in draft form and said, “Well yes, Ms. Greer, it contains some super stuff, but does it really have to be such a hotch podge?” Myself, I'm not totally against the sprawling baggage of it – it’s all about women poets, yes – but it's less a book than a great bundle of notes. There’s a fair tranch of literary sleuthing here, the drafts of three different postdoctoral theses, and piles of memos towards a crusader’s manifesto. Oh, Germainey Greerson!

I’m coming to this owl feminist treasure a bit late in life, having read nothing much by her (not even The Female Eunuch). I first stole glances at Kate Millet back in the 70s, so I suppose I wasn’t looking for much else in the way of wimmin's literary criticism. Miller destroyed DH Lawrence & Norman Mailer in one fell swoop, did anyone else need doing? Well, yes, of course; but not.. glancing over my shoulder... necessarily with my collusion... Ostensibly, Greer’s book sets out to knock women poets off their lowly pedestals. But the reason I pick out Slip-Shod Sibyls (1995, hrdbck, v. gd cnd, Xfm, Bld St. L1, £3.95 ) is because their author has most recently been having a go at transgender folk, and I’m curious to know what makes her tick, as well as thirsty for a cheap take on Sappho. On the positive side, I get some of what I’m looking for; so thanks Dr Greer, you have delivered; though not in the way I was expecting. Was it ever.

Is this really yet another book on Sappho? Well, that would be taking a liberty with it. But Slip-Shod Sibyls does exactly so with its readers. Here goes, then... Who exactly was Sappho, when she was at home? Back in the day (ie the Classical Era onwards) she was sometimes called The Female Homer. She was also known as The Woman Poet, as if that made her one of a kind. But staying with Homer for a kick off, what does it mean to be his female equivalent?

He, blind, led by a boy, came down from Mount Ida with two complete epic poems in his head. Each piece was long enough to take several days to perform. He’d have toured from state to city state, from the shores of Western Anatolia, across the islands and mainland of Greece, to the badlands of Macedonia; possibly he even crossed the Adriatic to work the Greek colonies on the nearside of Italia. His source material came from generations of previous bards. Modern scholars identify some sections of the epics where the style differs (uses a different vocabulary, has alternative word forms, displays other grammar structures). These are usually considered to be interpolations or corruptions of the original text. But there is always the possibility that they were Homer’s additions to a common corpus. And it’s also possible that Homer wasn’t one person, but himself an amalgam of bards. His blindness, and therefore his illiteracy, could also have been exploited and copied by tribute acts. He may even have performed with a troupe of musicians, though the semi-staged form of epic verse performance – the dithyramb – probably came later on. What is certain, however, is that at some point his work began to be transcribed, and thus ceased to exist in a purely oral form.

Unless Homer was a former soldier, blinded by a barbarian arrow - which surely would have been noted somewhere - he didn’t compose from his own experience. The craft was storytelling, and what we get from him is the skill to redress well-known stories in more entertaining garb. There is a religious aspect to the art form he used, and which we have come to know as epic poetry. In fact by the late classical era, his Iliad and Odyssey were being studied in the same way the Old and New Testaments were poured over by scholars of the early modern era. So when a Greek scroll jockey of the late classical period refers to Sappho as the Female Homer, was does it mean?

There’s not much Boys’ Own stuff in Sappho, just references to her brother's Káraksus's voyages. Was he an early Sinbad of the Aegean? But who knows what else was there, because there’s not much of anything in Sappho. Her work was largely exterminated by the iconoclasts of Byzantium (between the sixth and ninth centuries AD). Not content with destroying Christian images, successive waves of Orthodox Puritans also burned the titillating books of ancient authors. Sappho’s fall from Female Homer to seedy pornographer left only references to her work in the notes of the classical literati.

Ironically, while Homer’s true origins are disputed by rival city states, Sappho’s are far easier to reconstruct in time and place. Probably during the eighth or early seventh century BCE, her grandfather(s) or great-grandfather(s) joined a band of Aeolian adventurers from mainland Greece that seized the island of Mytilene (also called Lesbos) from its aboriginal rulers. Quite what ‘aboriginal’ means in this context is not clear, but the archaeological evidence points to less sophisticated groups of inhabitants until the late archaic period. Enslaving the indigenous folk (to live off their labour, the fruits of the land, and the surrounding sea) gave Sappho’s lot aristocratic status. This meant she’d’ve had sufficient leisure to to spend her days on extra murals. It’s thought that she and her contemporary, the soldier-poet Alcaeus, suffered under a new political regime on Mytilene, which had taken over from the descendants of the island’s conquerors. But whereas Alcaeus’s faction failed in its attempt to seize an outpost on the mainland (and restore their fortunes), Sappho’s family got into trade, although this too may not have been enough to maintain her status. Later in life she seems to have left the island and to sing for her supper, as it were, like Homer on an extended tour of Greece.

Turning back to what little we know of Sappho’s output, these fragments could hardly be more different from Homer. No epic works are cited, all her known pieces were song-length verses in a variety of rhythms. Some were hymns to the gods, others appear to have been occasional verses associated with events, such as an annual celebration of female beauty, or the anticipated return of Káraksus from a trading voyage. She gets the credit for strumming the kitara (a type of harp) with a plectrum, which would highlight the rhythmic quality of her grooves. She composed in the Aeolian dialect of Greek; and the enduring popularity of her verses, along with those of Alcaeus and the earlier soldier poet Archilochus (of Paros), must have contributed to its survival into the Hellenistic and Roman eras. Sappho was not the first Greek poet to have used her own erotic japes as source material for songs (Archilochus's humorous love ditties for inst.), but since her verses were collected in nine volumes, the quantity as well as the quality of the catalogue must have been impressive. Nor were Sappho and Alcaeus the first popular and innovative stars to have been discovered on the island. Arion of Mythymna (on the North East corner) had flourished at Periander’s court over in Corinth about half a century earlier. Tribute acts to all four of these Aeolian bards were active from the late fifth century onwards. Another major point to point out is that as Archilochus and Alcaeus both innovated by including their less reputable behaviour in song (eg, getting roaring drunk, and running off battlefields), whereas Sappho celebrated love for both men and women in verse (and that may not have been considered odd at the time). Later on, she gained a reputation for what became known as lesbianism, while Archilochus got himself banned in Sparta.

If Homer's work sprang from a pre-existant tradition of epic story-telling, what did Sappho have to draw on? Songs sung to give thanks or to plea for help at religious gatherings certainly; and also work songs – women's work in particular, and Eressos (the area Sappho's family are associated with) is on one of the largest agricultural plains that occur here and there between the dry, rocky hills of Mytilene. We also know sailors and sea fishermen of all countries and times have used song as a means of bonding to carry out arduous and repetitive tasks. Sappho's family included seafaring folk, so it's logical to assume she would have heard sea shanties sung by the men at home. There's a tradition on the island that a “beauty contest” took place somewhere near the head of the Gulf of Gera, and it's possible a female beauty cult may even have existed prior to the Aeolian invasion. Again, this occasion may be seen as partially religious as, for example, the ancient Olympics were; but music would be the natural accompaniment to such a gala, whether it was a civic or a religious rite. And then there is the strong possibility that marriage ceremonies would have been the setting for musicians and singers to gather, so for Sappho to have travelled there – even by boat, as it is two or three days' gruelling walk from Eressos – could have been a regular fixture of her year. Alcaeus is said to have composed for symposia - a posh name for drinking parties - and since it's known he was familiar with her work, it's also possible that women either took part in these, or held similar parties of their own.

While Homer's work was seen to embody virtues and failings such as valour, pride, betrayal, heroism and despair – we know that Sappho's work was valued for its portrayal of emotions. Because the canon we have is so pitiful, we can only speculate on some of the areas she touched on. Love, longing and envy we can be sure of. There seems to be a certain amount of voyeurism, and since Sappho's feelings transcended gender, and because her affections were not purely sexual anyway, it seems she might have sung of sisterhood as well as brotherhood, and possibly parenthood. If she was not universally revered in the ancient world – as Homer was – she was beloved of many. Any woman, whether housewife or hetaira, who could sing Sappho's songs would herself have been revered.

What does Germaine Greer have to say about the context Sappho wrote in, and why her work – after circulating for a thousand years - gradually and effectively disappeared? I’m afraid the lengthy chapter on Psappha, as she prefers to call the woman, is mostly an engagement with those translators and critics who have spent much (if not the whole!) of their careers on what would otherwise have been an obscure literary backwater, given the paucity of material to work from. Sappho must hold the record for the greatest number of words written on the scantiest of fragments. Yet every other year, out comes another major translation, flooding the market with page upon page of prefaces, footnotes, endnotes, agendas addendas, pudendas and acknowledgements to be flogged at twenty-odd quid the hit. And so we have Greer throwing her oar into this wet and dry fray and I wonder if she has anything of real value to add? The basic premise of her book is that women poets never really got started in this male preserve, and we do them a disservice by holding them up to the same standards as their male colleagues. But I don’t think this close textual analysis of Sappho’s flimsy remnants sorts the myths from the perceived history. In fact, I think it would be misogynistic to suggest that the purging of Sappho was anything other than her being lumped with the other ancient writers who were subversive, and whose work least conformed to early puritan values.

Instead, Greer chooses to benchmark her view of women poets on the legacy of Sappho; showing how her work was first imitated or recycled by the Romans Catullus and Ovid, and then reconstructed from the Renaissance onwards. She shows how being compared to Sappho has fared through the ages, reaching a very low point at the turn of the eighteenth century, when the term “a Sappho” was used for a kind of literary prostitute, ie: a woman poet who traded on her sex. (Our author, having served time in the porn racket, might know something about that.) But this much is true, male poets - Rochester, for example - are never referred to as "an Alcaeus" or "an Archilochus".

But, oh dear, I'm afraid have struck out far beyond Greer’s scheme of work. So what? In fact, her book gets going with a hundred pages on what it means to be a woman poet, and on the Tiresian hermaphroditism of much poetry. The latter serves as both as benchmark for the notion that poetry shouldn’t need sexing at all; and the ground rule that male and female poets may write from the viewpoint of either sex. In the former, Greer kicks off the global, multilingual cross-era scope of these studies by quoting a bunch of Italian Renaissance women poets in the original (transliterated as footnotes). Here, she says, women could compose poetry without reference even to the framework of courtly expectation. In a sort of Pre-Raphaelite approach, she evokes a golden era of versifying by women unconstrained by market forces. Publication being a disaster for young women who, in the centuries to come, would shoot to sudden fame in England (and elsewhere).

Dealing with “the enigma of Sappho” in chapter four, then, is a somewhat retrograde move, before resuming the early modern thread she left off in Renaissance Italy. Greer roughly divides the women poets of seventeenth century England into those whom class and leisure gave the opportunity to write - and writers for a living. Aphra Behn, being literally first and foremost of the professional female scribes, gets two chapters. But mostly it’s the aristocratic ladies - who wrote for coteries of friends, and whose works were either bootlegged by pamphleteers or published as vanity works - that get most of her attention. Indeed, she seems to prefer those women who could write without worrying about paying the bills. But it’s the extent to which the work of both groups was altered before publication - in some cases while simply being transcribed – that most interests her. Women submitting their work to men for approval (either as upper class amateurs, or as women writing to order (the lower class professionals), meant them not merely having a few spelling or grammatical mistakes edited out; but the frequent excision of whole verses and the complete rewriting of lines was their lot. And the fact this seems to have been done most often with their approval seems to suggest that women naturally accepted men’s superiority in literary matters. Greer argues that the devaluation of women poets has its roots in women’s lack of education at this time, in the tendency to demure to the opinion of better educated men. She reinforces this argument with page upon page of quotations illustrating discrepancies between manuscript poems and their printed versions. Whereas with Sappho, where the close reading is in the interpretation of ambiguous or missing Greek words, the distinctions are much less open to dispute...

It's at this juncture that I begin to think of Greer as someone muttering in a shed. These pages of proofs are challenges to various obscure academics, rather than pertinent examples to be set before the public. I go back to the transliterations (the word-by-word translations she quoted alongside the Renaissance Italian poems) and I can’t help wondering if she has read the originals at all? I wonder if all that ancient Greek wasn’t just Greek to her, or is she really qualified to do more than read the ancient alphabet and pronounce the words? I wonder if, like some literary Jack-of-all-trades, she isn’t just trying to trump all academics in all fields in order to make her view more widely accepted? I’m sorry to labour the argument, but I wonder if she isn’t a 2-Sheds Greerson, muttering in pseudo Italian in one hut, and bastard Greek in the other? I wonder if, like in the Monty Python sketch I’m alluding to (the interview with "Arthur 2-Sheds Jackson") she shouldn’t be brought to book, not on the new symphony she has written, but on the need for two sheds? Gustav Mahler, after all, wrote nine whole symphonies in ONE shed (let’s call a hut a shed, eh?). OK, this is getting silly. But so is dragging us bystanders in on one academic dispute after another. I mean, there may be room for argument here, but surely not for contradiction; let's just agree that women, like all writers, have been edited, bowdlerised, marginalised, cheated, plagiarised, pilloried and plain dumped; and that most anyone determined to make a living by their pen is apt to be exploited.

But to be driven to suicide or subjected sexual abuse are other matters indeed. Greer quite rightly points out that the incidence of suicide and early death amongst successful women poets of both the nineteenth and twentieth centuries is appalling. L.E.L., a woman poet in the early nineteenth century is an early example of the phenomenon. Shooting to fame as a teenage poet in the 1820s, by the mid 30s, with a successful on-going writing career, she married a colonial officer, moved to the Cape Colony, and within a few months had taken her own life (with poison she had taken along for the job). From L.E.L. to Sylvia Plath, who gassed herself in 1963, the poetry scene is littered with female suicides, and the dead bodies of female bards - from Browning to Bishop – whose lifestyle choices - addictions - brought them early death. Greer doesn’t crassly try to explain these deaths, she points out the common factors. One is early fame, another is self harm or abusive relationships. Also, many of these women poets who killed themselves have written about suicide, or their work shows a strong interest in death or dying. Furthermore, there seems to be an association of poetry with suffering, which affects more women than men.

The Duke of Rochester’s niece may or may not have been abused by him, though it seems one Restoration aristocrat or another did abuse her as a child. In another century, L.E.L. may have been blackmailed out of her youthful earnings either by an abuser himself, or by someone who knew she had been abused. The early Victorian period was an extreme reaction to the excesses of the previous generation. Two centuries before, while London was recovering from the puritanism of the Interregnum, liberty suddenly brought exposure to market forces. Women writers without an income had little to keep them from the debtors’ prison than to sell themselves in one way or another. Aphra Behn may even have had to become a spy in order to maintain her standing at the court of Charles II. But in contrast to what she says about the suicide of women poets, Greer doesn’t present much evidence of sexual or other abuse appearing in the work. The line seems to be that women poets – like Sappho, the Renaissance Italians or whoever let love rule their emotional lives - would end up being damaged by it. At the same time, women poets who eschewed carnal love in their work, for example Christina Rossetti or Elizabeth Bishop, would become cold and remote. Women poets, it would seem, often suffer from an addiction to pain, which for some originates in their abuse as children or teenagers.

I read somewhere that Germaine Greer eschews biography. It may have something to do with the way she has been portrayed over the years. But she has courted publicity for six decades now, and her latest tirades against transgender folk are typical of the controversial stance she has taken over several great issues. Back in the Sixties and Seventies, she was deliberately aligning herself with Hugh Heffner, to the horror of her sisters in the feminist movement. And her appearances in Playboy - both in print and a swimming costume - were actually child's play compared to some of her other exposures. Neither should it be forgotten that she's made shed-loads of money out of books, magazines and associated activities; and including just one very brief brush with the law, this notoriety has only boosted her sales and appearance fees. At one point she owed so much in back revenues that, like many of the pop stars of the day, she bunked off into tax exile. I'm sorry, but I find it impossible to take anyone's controversial stance too seriously when it's clear they get a sales hike every time they take one

But to get back to biography, as it appears in this book, the cases of Aphra Behn, Anne Wharton (Rochester’s niece) and especially L.E.L. deserve Greer's special insight, sleuthing and comparative Lit. Crit.. If you exclude all the notes and index, almost a quarter of the book is taken up by Letitia Landon. Known to her public as L.E.L. (her middle name, btw, was Elizabeth), she was beloved as the writer of epic verse fantasies set in Renaissance Italy. This was a genre not unfamiliar to the generation before her short lifespan (1802-38), for example in the gothic romance novels of Charlotte Dacre. But by writing in verse and adopting a pseudo Byronic tone, she succeeded in carving out a decent living from a loyal fanbase. Greer gives us a comparative analysis of the work, showing that despite the fantastic nature of her stories, their fatalistic plots pointed towards a flawed psychology that would lead, ultimately, to her own suicide. Setting her life alongside that of many other young women poets who died before their primes - by taking their own lives or having unhealthy lifestyles - would have been sufficient. But for some reason we are then treated to a full-on account of her love life, a literary scandal she was embroiled in, speculation on the blackmail theory, pages of asides around the London literary and art scene, and finally we are plunged into pure biography territory with the introduction of George Maclean - a dour Scot and sub-specimen of the David Livingstone species with whom L.E.L. falls, apparently in love. Two thousand words serve just to introduce him. There follows a dozen ups and downs in as many pages, before they marry and then, after another well documented delay, take off for the Cape. True, as history, it's fascinating stuff, but writing that veers so far off track could almost be a different author's work. While a twenty or thirty pages are enough for Greer to cover Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Christina Rossetti's equally complex and puzzling lives, why L.E.L.'s warrants a hundred baffles me. This is serious muttering in a hut, arguing with phantom critics in a wash-house, getting all academic in the john. Because, if she wasn't such a snob about biography, perhaps the writer could have cut to the chase and done a decent, modern, scholarly job on L.E.L.’s?

And here's where my big question kicks in: what makes Dr. Greer tick? What drives her into this position where women have not made great poets because the poetry world has been run by men, and so it follows that women poets have never truly been themselves?

Greer believes in women’s liberation, but she’s never been an equal rights activist. For her, men and women are different creatures. As long as women have to play by men's rules, they'll always come second or third. She's an apocalyptic feminist, one who believes in a revolution where women will break away from men and set up their own rules. She doesn’t tell us when this will come about, which comet will be flying past at the time; or if she does tell us, we'll have to buy another of her books to find out.

For many people feminism and socialism are two sides of the same coin. For the others, the balancing force is wicca or some other natural order. They're opposing viewpoints, because whereas the former speaks to reason and common sense, the latter is essentially religious. And those who use dialectical argument to explain supernatural concepts are mavericks. True, from the neck down, men and women have two or three fundamental differences; but from the neck up the differences are literally all in the mind. It's true that hormones can affect our mental state, but who was it that went around banging the drum for HRT a few decades back? And how many middle aged women sat up and took notice of her? Gynaecologists were rubbing their hands.

Winning an argument does not mean simply telling the truth. You can floor the opposition with a pithy put-down, with a gem of pseudo science, with an emotional appeal to loyalties, or with a nugget of prejudice masquerading as proof. Has Greer defended suttee – the burning of a wife on her husband's funeral pyre - for its cultural value? I think not, but she has said that female genital mutilation is an enduring cultural practice that people in the West should stop trying to stamp out. In other words, she invokes anti-imperialism in order to defend an extreme form of sexual violence against girls. If I begged to point out that the excision of the clitoris was as irreversible as beheading the victim, I might just win the argument. But I don't need to say more than selling millions of books did not make Hitler's views on race acceptable, or truthful.

It's a shame I had to say that, because Germaine Greer has probably done more good than any other advocate of women's liberation and - despite her contrarian views - for equality. Her outspokenness and the appeal she's had to both sexes (for whatever reasons) have raised crucial issues, and her own years in the limelight have served as a beacon to far more than just her own worth. I wonder if sometimes she doesn't just argue for the sake of it, knowing that awareness is raised no matter how or why.

To sum up, I would argue that of course there IS some truth in Germaine Greer's point of view – that women have often failed to be in favourable comparison with men (as poets and many other professions) because men have made the rules. But as can be seen from the preeminence of Sappho in the highly personal, emotional verse of late antiquity onwards, women - unhindered by precedence, convention or economy - can make an art form their own. And while women have colluded in the exploitation of their sex by excluding themselves & limiting their own opportunities, it isn't right to denigrate what they HAVE achieved. Not enough Mary Shelleys have come to the fore; and women painters and composers have had a lousy deal over the years. But the idea it will take a revolution that sets men and women apart to see the emergence of female equivalents of Homer, Shakespeare et al is messianic defeatism. That leaves Germaine Greer in a rather poor light, I'm afraid. But I don't think she gives a damn, and we kind of love her for that.

Not Everyone's Hut!





Wednesday, 1 May 2019

The Poodle Shop



Peter Kavanagh's


another stab at Larkin


Sidney Bechet was a colourful
import wouldn't stand his kind next door
played soprano sax angelic on
vinyl of course

heard at sweaty joints where tarts with beards
scared the pants off you preferred a home
entertainment system scotch on tap
frill-less no bills

discs for one thing let you catalogue
hoards of sleeveless numbers stripping off
followed by some fiendish fingerwork
deep as the night

war & peace saw decent progress through
45 to the long player though
seldom did you stand for anything
backside of doors

Bechet had his dark recesses too
stood his women down but sex-o-phone
jazz played live on stage was something else
kissed no one’s ass



banned in Sparta


Archie & the Locosts' tribute act
flogs a poet's soul for soldiers' pay
in or out of uniform you choose
just get them pissed

somehow cash must be exchanged for wine
payment's due as soon as it has crashed
on the bar no credit given out
this side of war

Archie's pals let's call them men at arms'
length can pipe & play kitara in
imitation of their sovereign lord's
former cohorts

fronted by a spindly spear man
sings like burning olive sticks & cracks
jokes the guy himself would have to laugh
horny old goat

banned in Sparta as we've said before
still the Helots sneak their hero in
festivals of drunk no way take place
sans Archie’s voice



Paul Birtill poet


swear to god I've never seen him eat
half a bag of crisps or someone's nuts
left behind if they have buggered off
no fish or chips

pass the blighter's lips or Christmas pud
sure he’s tasted food a Catholic
boy at heart took bread with wine at mass
which did for starts

sometimes thought cos I’m a veg it's guilt
wouldn’t want me letting him devour
carcasses of animals in sight
that would be weak

no the simple truth he's mean enough
not to stuff himself while in his keks
beer money tries to bide its time
wincing at the price of cigarettes



been there done that

folks who are prepared to leave their homes
shelving most of what they known & trust
start their lives again on unknown ground
get my respect

living on their wits & memories new
faces take the place of kith & kin
jobs may flip as former managers
start behind bars

Mum or Dad too far away to help
sis or bro with other folks in tow
those who finished university
learn from Day One

languages & customs even faiths
get exchanged like debunked currencies
with their drop in value they expect
less than they get

self reliance shoulders refugees
economic migrants desperate folk
call them what you will the tasks they face
immense respect




The Poodle Shop


Chris & I would fight to sing it first
there in Old Swan where shaggy dogs had
hairdos dating back to '63
The Poodle Shop

straight through '66 the thrill wore on
even when England won the World Cup
chiming in like Beatles we replied
The Poodle Shop

jingles dominated our TV
hearts & minds those days we hollered our
homespun contribution to the scene
The Poodle Shop

don't know why I gotta write this down
'cept to say it happened during times
Chris and I were brothers in the car
The Poodle Shop

could have driven Mum & Dad insane
but I think they got a kick from it
Chris would try to beat me every time
The Poodle Shop


No Dogs On Leash!

Monday, 1 January 2018

Archie Locost - post mod'n'rocker


I

war was young the lads in oil & woad
pestered fishing strands & hillside towns
drove the yeomen back to save their homes
drank ourselves down

peace was always close at hand the old
folks would parley while the young uns howled
injuries we swapped for sluts & gold
drinks did the rounds

so the men were given new employ
picket duty paid to sit around
guarding sacred mounds which spiked our joy
drink ran aground

till the lassies turned their tails you see
farmers' boys had brought 'em fleece & kohl
sate beneath the well-hung chestnut tree
drank we a skoal

there you are a soldier's memories
stars or promises how should I know
drew me far across the wine dark seas
drunk on patrol



II

singing earthquakes floods & heaven knows
hail stones big as goof balls barmy coups
floaters fleeing civil wars & polls
strung on a blues

I have always stood averse to woe
tipped the waiting piper tapped my toes
never failed to foot the fiddler's bow
strung on a blues

surfed the years from node to crested node
lived a life composed of turpitudes
told some stories wrote some frigging odes
strung on a blues

faced with prophesies deep as sink holes
waves of Chinese that whisper no news
I've faked reports of prison break moles
strung on a blues

time to time to modulate the load
spun them oldies on a different tune
now ironic Aeolian mode
strung on a blues



III

barking man on peccadillos sprayed
cunt across my shield a straight I'm ill
literate unfit & charmless why
can't even spell

fat & greedy drive while txting quite
bald half blind my ears ain't small I smell
drink at least a quart of hooch a day
write with a quill

just in case you think I'm joking try
crossing me with the female from hell
kids beware is all I gotta say
grist to the mill

sense my humour Polly darlin' play
Missus for me since you're up it's fill
kettle time we'll have a cup of tea
isn't it well

don't much care the hour or day you see
someone's got to ring a bloody bell
what's so bad about me anyway
licensed to chill



IV

when the old guard lays a spiky head
must he mate with milkmaids live on farms
run with dogs go gathering herbs spread
muck with his arms

should the discharged pay for cakes & ale
begging waiters' pardons kissing palms
sink his pride to ask for tick or trade
muckrakes for arms

leave atomic weapons to one side
talk of soldiers' peace & who it harms
politicians lie in state they die
marked by our arms

veterans extend the other hand
playing blasted fools we sing for alms
entertaining youngsters what an end
mocked by our arms

give us more than glory thanks & pride
we who saved your bacon sing no psalms
war's the only creed we understand
mucking with arms



(special bonus piece)

Archie & the Locusts


a Harvey Weinstein production


if convicted say in their defence
like naked urchins they stood with needs
women's comfort lent them innocence
rash were their deeds

born to fight no family or friends
Locust pay was fame & concubines
rape is not too strong the maidens ran
warned of their wine

drink was but the means of it their cause
peace sublime for which post-coital read
soldiers win & lose for love of wars
loss was their lead

chastened till the urge returned they sang
barbs of ribald wit in mournful modes
echoed Arion of Lesbos rang
epic their odes

now accused of crimes for which they've paid
censored by their conquests underpants
tied around their ankles left unplayed
hollow their rants

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

posthumous toads


eat death

two in one I swatted pests today
crept upon their trysts & made them pay
double death for feasting side by side
howzat I cried

while they hesitated loathe to leave
one alone the pests ignored my cleave
swinging high above their eyes I closed
honking like Toad

death to all that dare to flout my rule
lord of youse whose airspace I control
come in pairs or threesomes if it suits
wed to my hoots


wet dream of the common toad

I was a hump-backed frog at Oxford
no one kissed me there my inner prince
lurked below in ponds the skaters worked
deaf to my grin

ain't too late to look me down my dear
toe the ice & tickle undergrown
algae pink step in there's nowt to fear
blind to my green

poison well & drowning fair enough
Danger Toad's my middle name I swam
backwards through two civil wars the rough
numb to my gun

hold me tight & warm me with your blood
see this nightmare out till croaks at dawn
feel the wisdom oozing from the wood
dumb to my gloom

just a peck you'll suffer no regrets
tunes will bubble while I sing your song
taste these lips before the full moon sets
dead to my gong


you wanna reason

Daddy was a robber didn't kill
no one though he once ran down a cop
banks and racketeering were his thrill
over the top

papers say a bingo calling drilled
peace of mind into him but it stopped
short of a cure guess his crimes just spilled
over he topped

wanted lists in umpteen states not bald
shaved his mop Yul Brynner style & fopped
bony headed a charmer who called
barley when copped

almost made public enemy one
covetted slot for those on the run
willed that honour to his eldest son
bundle of fun

where you take it is right to the stop
crime never paid off in dollar bills
oldest way to get on top is thrills
over your pop


no title few deeds

insects squabble here above my head
buzzing off they snag what little hair
time & genes repair good sir you're dead
give me the air

heat is not a thing most British bear
well though I am tolerably staid
even forty centigrade I swear
leaves me unfazed

flies apart I swelter happy days
far from cold & shudder going there
where it's ten or twelve in August pray
give me your airs

London Derry Welsh or Scots don't care
tunes I'll clap to throw the key away
sing by heart but not the temperature
leave that at bay

sea & sun the summer long it takes
all I have to hang my hat down here
titles none few deeds but still I say
give me the air

Archie Locost (attrib.)