these lies are true

by TS Idiot

trumped-up round-up

divorcees reconciled during

first nude attempt on Everest

workers on Pacific tunnel

eat lead in Mariana Trench

snowflakes found on Venusian moon

not fake though out of sell-by date

Brexit menu signed by Farage

finds no bidders at Sotherbys

Dem Libs merger with UKIP goes

live on Black & White Minstrel Show

mad dog appointed United

States Secretary of Defence

& Europe awards fried Mars Bar

controlled appellation status

let nothing ye dismay

should Christians take it lying down

or hanging up for all to see

god rest ye merry gentlemen

go carol singing round the town

or voice dissent on live TV

god rest ye merry gentlemen

should Christians wear judgemental frowns

or smile in bland hypocrisy

god rest ye merry gentlemen

for shame should Christians play the clown

& hang out round the Christmas tree

god rest ye merry gentlemen

or swop their scarlet caps & gowns

for plastic bags like refugees

god rest ye merry gentlemen

alt empire

as the Democracy Show goes into

its millennial season who else but

Boris is chortling over Winston's grave

hand out the Victory Scotch & cigars

grill some of that fat Welsh rabbit

& while you're at it stick Irish online

git the owl gang round the Brexit table

kick your shoes off boys time to celebrate

& let the whole world know the search is on

for stars anyone willing & able

to make with the lingo can do just great

from Skid Row to the Mars Hotel kiddo

this here's yr chance to stand up to the crease

show the good folks the state of your Plato

though seriously folks

what isn't cricket Gunga Din

ain't the colour of your foreskin

but of the team you supporting

for in the words of Fu Manchu

Confucius met his Waterloo

on the back route to Kathmandu

hauling that South American

dreamboat up the magic mountain

took more than lateral thinking

yr grandma knows how to tango

& decode calls made in bingo

halls by sheiks like Ali Bongo

but you'll only get the rules of the game

when your coat is on & you've left the room

a cheap petty Osiris

CPO Gadfly was no more Arab

than Mr Trump a card-carrying scab

neither had their nobs robbed by a scarab

old Gads was in fact on a hush-hush job

when he came neck-to-neck with a carob

tree whose juice those days would rush you ten bob

switching from Judas to Colonel Cobweb

he took out a dealership in Red Leb

to Mick & the Stones he was known as Zeb

while the real Zebedee strummed in a club

he troubadoured to Bombay flogging dub

reggae but got throttled in the hubbub

which was how Gadafy twigged the whole fib

painting his own as the true face of lib

not the last trump!