Gabriel Behind Bars

Angel Gabriel is in custody tonight, so all the young girls and boys of the world can rest easy in their beds.

Arresting officer, Inspector Jerry Standing of Ukosh stated, “A historic moment. Been tryna nail this two-faced little shite since The Sweeney”. It's unknown how many victims were impregnated by the fiend, but some sources put the total at half the world's population.

Gabriel uses a form of Ecstacy called Religion to drug and then seduce his victims. As Dr. Karlo Marx of the BM says, “There are many innocuous looking drugs out there: Poverty, for example, used by a rape syndicate out of Oxford; and Charity, which funds kiddie brothels in Venezuela.

Hell's Angel

Gabriel, whose address was given as Elysium Fields, Cal., is thought to have consorted with Savile, Weinstein, Spacey and Harris. Sir Gary Oldman is pipped to take over the role, when his Oscar is out of the road.

Mary and child are said to be safe on Lesbos.