Pardon my French

Double or quits, Baroness?

I

fairytale ending

if Cock Robin's murderers had been

caught on CCTV flying in

all the king's birds would straight have fallen

green bottle men

nature's laws set out in nursery rhymes

concrete columns sprouting through the trees

these are the good things & those the crimes

but human beings

cast as pirates of the Caribbean

sneaking past a pilot episode

series two has gotta be their goal

bury them bones

cargoed by the diplomatic load

or the Netflix plot to rival all

Carry On dissolved in acid then

poured down a man

hole & who knows what's the truth old bean

witchcraft superheroes hands of gods

fiction trumps the facts with notes in wads

battles unseen

II

wildlife obituary

Sidney Centipede the greatest thing

ever walked on fifty pairs of legs

died today aged a hundred & ten

days thirteen hours twenty-two mins

life for Sid was vicious crap & not

nice the privvy spawned his awesome rise

treading down the dreams of lesser beasts

where the dung was rich & fragrant piled

high with yellow leaves & rotting fruit

Sid had made it just in time to meet

Brenda Blackbird passing on her way

back from harvest for winter was nigh

get it while it's hot she chortled one

juicy bug to sweeten all that grain

how delicious then burped & flew off

III

stalking horns

modernism raise your upstart glass

as the scherzo of Beethoven’s third

symphony gets horny live on air

for the first time

sure enough a lot of lies damned lies

plus statistics are spouted but don't

take 'em snorting like a dose of salts

broadcasting’s fine

libatious wine indubitably

kills the bugs immunity has missed

radio's long enthused those on &

off the wagon

but in case you haven’t heard it’s fun

getting raucous last night of The Proms

something sober folk are missing out

on’s the sublime

treachery some teetotallers make

as abusers they may play with us

but as posers their use is abuse

for old lang's sake

IV

avoir du poids

cos the kilo's finally to go

Bonaparte will wet his Paris vaults

revolutionary thoughts aside

all this fuss about a ball inside

goldfish bowls & mimicked to a fault

leave its density alone for no

matter if an orb be perfect why

wasn't Greenwich chosen eh the salts

used to polish it whatever show

accuracy's limits ebb & flow

rocket science isn't gonna halt

entropy a universe defines

when its time has come to shrink or grow

eggheads leave the kilo be the alt

give up playing god change minds instead

V

rien ne vas plus

gotta see the goodness evil does

jobs for one & money don't forget

power such a dangerous world gee-whiz

who are we to question why they dis

human rights when half these countries let

terrorist & gangsters run their fuzz

lazy fare is what I say take Miss

World it's open season cannot vet

chicks by national politics the buzz

words are tits & benefits because

looks alone don't make a Penthouse Pet

hell I know it's murder but that's biz

feel their purses not their pussies is

all Cashoggie had it jammy was

what I heard just made a lousy bet

Archie Locost attrib