ontology for dummies

a skoal on Heineken

 

if the price of booze doesn't go up

soon the world is surely gonna end

prudence shouldn’t mean Thou Shalt Not spend

draining the cup

 

during the fifth century BCE

when the Greeks had their supremacy

oldsters drank all night then curled their toes

praising the gods

 

now in armfuls neo opioids

flood the market bringing joy to those

celebrants of hypochondriac

slay me a cock

 

friends this ain’t no time for turning back

raise your standards kick the saintèd arse

downstairs & drown Falstaff in his sack

Crimbo at last

 

Hovis Bunsen stand for president

Jed make way for youth on crack cocaine

send this dirty year back whence it came

that’s what I meant

 

wild robot stew

 

lobster cheese is off

so the waiter wants to know

if we’re up for it

 

take a peek at you

cos I know your preferences

rarely stretch that far

 

but today you’re game

call it vegetarian

all except the name

 

proof of it’s the taste

rich in sautéd graphics cards

wire noodles stir

 

fried capacitors

best of all comes sprinkled with

shredded memory boards

 

 

ontology for dummies

nothing exists

if it didn’t we'd be somewhere else

nor would anyone be having this

argument which as you say we aren't

 

wisdom of fools

serves us both as enemy & friend

you & I camped out at Loggerheads

individual conspirators

 

Marx would agree

thesis antithesis synthesis

feudalism leading capital

down the banks & up the garden path

 

Groucho that is

Karl I daresay'd put it otherwise

wrote a book I'll read when time allows

which it won’t prefering Sherlock Holmes

 

so here we go

Socrates you never listened while

Mozart's Requiem had even God

calling home the bloody Prodigal

 

 

 

thus spake Lady Superman

  

long before they understood

people practised genocide

ploughing fields diluting skies

Mammon was praised

 

overwhelming humankind

bugs have done this underhand

service as extinguishers

clearers of decks

 

such recovery how grand

seldom in the course of time

has a harvest filled the sacks

species galore

 

like the giant meteor

civilisation just left

fifty million promised lands

desertified

 

counting insects coral reefs

giant fossils cancer wards

shellfish mites & stuff on shelves

boggles the mind

 

*

 

Lady Superman remains

buried though the grave survived

through antiquity her corpse

mummified well

 

hewn from skin & bone a mask

bears the imprint of her face

while the stone sarcophagus

buggers belief

 

paragon of nurture she

reigned before inhuman greed

started worshipping itself

Lady S stood

 

less in effigy than flesh

was adored by all a queen

bee could look her in the eye

she’d hardly blink

 

though she died as humans did

when their time was called yes luck

had it matriarchs were doomed

kingdoms next up

 

*

 

here’s the gist of what she preached

once upon a time my dears

maiden aunts & uncle queers

made their own beds

 

every night in different groves

snug as careless borogroves

far above the forest floors

long before wars

 

scared the scar-faced immigrants

folk would sing & dance all day

eating fruit & drinking whey

ants in their pants

 

babies clinging round their necks

did I call them virgins nay

families were more like packs

people were gay

 

cavaliers not roundheads they

lived & died the natural way

spoke in consequential terms

sometimes ate worms

 

 

 

a soap impression

 

cop mistakes her hubby for a hat

gun it's easy done & fancy that

saw a lobster Leonard Bernstein scored

during the war

 

no the Sixties book by Oily Socks

sorry wrong again Oliver Sex

zooming Delvaux & René Magritte

under my feet

 

look it takes a spook these days to tell

criminal & decent folk apart

half the time with immigrants from hell

heavenly scent

 

the ol’ factory nerves get twisted see

gosh what isn’t going wrong with me

all that Night Train glycerine we sunk

walking the plank

 

take this down my life you'll get us shot

hardly means a thing but just the job

pays the mortgage it's that other mob

working the plot

 

 

half burnt half baked

 

time he put his brogue

down & gave us all a break

little but a rogue

cheap at half the price

should have made his bargain but

Hovis shall be sliced

yet another year

toast the blighter pumping stale

phony Christmas cheer

secret weapon Geek

fire stuck for words I say

start another war

Bunsen burners out

back to back then walk & turn

Pentecostal doubt

never the never!

Jed lives

Just Jack The Freakin Juice!

jack the juice

science such a heartless affair

when unvaccinated people croak

how they weep like jilted lovers swear

life's but a joke

 

badly played their hands are good but chance

lets them down they wager everything

on conspiracy theories plans

doomed to go wrong

 

just because they don’t believe in Big

Bang or figure God’s an astronaut

doesn't render common sense a pig

headed resort

 

jack the juice before it ends in debt

never mind the risk statistics damned

lies but still those folks who draw their last

breath see the past

 

not the future heaven won’t forgive

their mistakes cos Earth is no roulette

table round but flat this much for proof

gambling with death

*

 

not a verse to rhyme

 

who would like to know

how I met the universe

coming through the glen

 

nobody I see

by this show of hands the world

ain’t a-listening yet

 

class dismissed go home

work if you insist the rest

meeting in the bar

 

on my own again

alpha channels beta verse

standing in for friends

 

tell you what I hear

Solid Air with feedback loops

coming through the glen

*

blame the game

 

France Byelorussia Turkey all

citing different reasons wring their hands

while your shuffling star-crossed wander-hordes

move with the tides

 

ride the flow of propaganda wars

urging families off foreign shores

trailed by Suckerbook & Murdoch’s press

gangs it’s a mess

 

let’s reorganise this chaos blame

something else for instance solar flares

polar bears or hungry fish no less

climate’s a shame

 

since we’re playing state Monopoly

move the top hat back to Old Kent Road

Baltic Avenue across the pond

Mortgage-on-sea

 

tarot cards for property the fates

bought & sold like children saved by odds

roll the dice it’s double six or quits

hands of the gods

*

Kop doubt 2

 

depression forecast

 

sometimes justice serves mankind

fair & square the dirty worms

heaven opens suddenly

christening all

 

while injustice entertains

everywhere a cruel wind

zigzags through the tenements

scorching & blind

 

those it spares deserve no less

punishment than victims caught

out in parks or shrivelled while

skulking indoors

 

neither justice nor its dark

sibling seem to give a thought

folks who've lived without a care

heaped with rewards

 

so adherents get on down

worshipping the roll of dice

cos there’s nothing for it now

send out the clowns

 

 

circus comes to town

 

whose United Nations do they claim

everyone is represented there

even those that couldn’t give a damn

 

putting climate matters to a vote

just like politicians who should know

something’s gotta bubble to the top

 

quite the beauty contest but for split

skirts & bathing suits it's barefaced cheek

versus downright lying here’s our host

 

circus master to the ring of truth

Hovis Bunsen your half-baked half burnt

psycho killer qu’est que c’est who quotes

 

ancient Greek in plain vernacular

jesting not his gestures many words

said whenever wisdom springs to mind

 

 

optimism preached

 

let’s be honest John

sun’s come up we get to choose

give or take a moon

 

surely there’s enough

time for one more game of bowls

then we’ll see them off

 

that’s the spirit faint

heart ne’er won fair maiden our

move take courage chaps

 

think of Robbie Bruce

or once more unto the breech

channel English dead

 

foreign fields & all

strap me in Excalibur’s

out lead on Macduff

 

 

coda reached at last

 

what you gonna say

when the population hits

half a trillion eh

blame the rabbits my

foot they’re promising these new

all electric cars

wow I want one now

not a decade on I’m old

Jeeves don’t spare the nags

 

thirteen years ago

bought a diesel hatchback big

deal five times she’s blown

up the engine’s cracked

clean they lied & we believed

fools we are that’s all

*

unrattled eh

 

those whose postulating words

cry in modulated tones

hushingly & hardly heard

rattle my bones

 

not that I’m a paragon

no one’s champion orator

nor am I adept at songs

happen I bore

 

harp on tortured themes like war

refugees celebrities

scratch the underwriters’ law

damming their eyes

 

not for me adoring flocks

lauding nuanced feats of pen

read by those who like in blocks

paid for in yen

 

no there’s neither rhyme nor rock

reasoning these thoughts disturb

ain’t a bit poetic sock

puppets on herbs

still not geddit?

little snides on the side

 

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Excerpt:

union baron knights

syndicated dudes the odd

working citizen

who supports this poor

replicant or Phony Bear

down the woods today

got a big surprise

waiting no more Robin Hood’s

nest of merry folk

just the Sheriff’s tax

gatherer & crossbow squad

covering the loot

when they’re not at work

hunting feral boar this lot

sacks of dripping meat

Alice serve these folks

half of them are vegans blood

thirsty hounds the rest

let us not get pole

axed no sorry polarised

polar beared indeed

cuddly toys aside

what we need’s a human being

doesn’t have to sing

dance or prattle jokes

grasping villains by the throat

wring their filthy necks

no a milder bod

someone like a rock mid stream

fit to hold a bridge

gives it left & right

sometimes straight between the lines

always fair & clean

best of all immune

absolutely quid pro quotes

every little truth

tell you what let’s draw

who’s to win our hearts & minds

sketch them up from scratch

have the polls decide

which depiction super sleuth

or romantic lead

pixilation rate

grab an oligarch’s bequest

cheap at half the price

leave the rest to fate

folks will vote on everything

leadership without

not on my foot!