Tuesday, 1 March 2022

pancake Tuesday mix

 

Putin inside


faith in numbers


all these pyramids

mausoleums & the like

so much DNA

set to ride again

when'll it be possible

eh for goodness sake




piracy cons


Stalin's boots

worn by uncle Vlad

Russian socks


freeze the scorched

Nazi flattened Earth

razed from death

 

crane your neck

Jed the CIA

kicks no backs

 

see the Beeb

lies if truth be told

tank man dies

 

poke the bear

if you dare & quit

fighting square




pork talk


flash the pancake mix

flaky pastry flapjack wall

nuts directed by

arson wells brigade

umpire sacked in tennis court

out of sight Your Grace

fields of tuneless pipes

clogged with fatberg slimming aids

masquerading as

19 Covid Street

fighters clubbed all night

jar or ten of sweet

slapdash whitewash whiplash back

injury is out




sick holiday snaps


jury's in & out

can’t decide who's right or wrong

headless chicken mate


trust the game to make

sense of one-eyed spot-the-ball

keep the takings small


stuff rebounds for what’s

said is true or thereabouts

when you weigh it in


don’t expect connect

chins it’s plug-in mega-broads

make the most of life


take these foreign bods

stuck in UK neighborhoods

business should be good


nah ye shouldnae judge

Starmer for his knighthood by

Jimmy Savile’s rug


eager members hands

off the guilty partners make

way for cowards mate




history lesson Blue


Gazpacho headquarters Amiens

target of a bold mosquito raid

footage from the second war on cheese

cut de Havilland some credits here

after the attack a horde of crack

kitchen hands & social refugees

sturm und drang their way down Alphabet

Street exploiting sticks of garlic bread

comfy chairs & table cloths before

Adolf ein mensch will kommen Hitler

dispatch runner Iron Cross with coke

leaves & spoons surrounded by vampire

wingmen to his Sigmund Freud moustache

calls the faithful to their knees & says




the mouse that squicked


miniaturisation eh

shrunk & falling down the plug

hole or hey don’t close that glass

trapped in a stove

is it so irrational

me not even sure the kit

hasn’t been invented yet

who's got the most

China colonising Mars

cryogenic dinosaurs

probably control the dark

web in a nut

case Amerikar has lost

out to Uncle Samya’s World

innit mind the rabbit hole

drink this or piss

off to park & hide no choice

find a deep exclusive niche

down the pan & out of reach

both fingers crossed




broken tip


Uncle Vlad

the impaler here

take a seat

check these points

each is barely in

tolerance

even I

lose my edge sometimes

bugger it

up you see

bluntly I shall go

round the bend




where you belong


 

lies & provocations at their side

through the gates of Kiyv your missiles glide

droning on about respect denied

Russia you're back


bloody mire Putin he's declared

war is peace again as if the word

black were white defensive move absurd

Russian Attack


kindergarten targeting you chuck

teddy bears in corners trusting luck

those that lose their heads or bite the muck

Russia can hack


who will recompense the folks you've left

homeless neighborhoods & nature wrecked

kids the old & sick abandoned heck

Russia's on track


Putin's out to topple Stalin's worst

record wasn’t it enough you cursed

socialism now the bubble's burst

Russia get back




from the little Putin inside us all


when they don’t believe you any more

it’s discouraging but sad & wrong

not to care or say you aren’t some mad

fascist recluse


nor responsible for ancient wars

virus outbreaks storms or cup defeats

if you hold extreme opinions ask

them not yourself


they should know for judgement shall be theirs

playing god was never your retreat

when you tried it once the day was spent

chasing a goat


tell them you believe yourself improved

age has mostly added to your worth

& as far as wisdom is concerned

what is the truth


who can answer for us all at once

from tomorrow to the end of time

when conditions change as fast as this

talk first then shoot


Never shoot!


Tuesday, 1 February 2022

dad's barmy


all the trimmings

 

hanging off the balance wide

bodied acts a certain age

state their resolutions while

happy new years

ring across the globe it's cheers

bottoms up with drinks all round

Christmas leftovers & wine

heated with cloves

some recycled presents fall

off a tree but shucks the thought

counts not credit ratings how

stuffed can you get

such acrylic hats & socks

table football USB

organiser databank

tickets for live

sex at home plus bogus snuff

movies gobs of candle wax

snowman's frozen ear muffs

panic attacks

 

*

 

cost of living Dude

 

gas & electricity

cable phones The Internet

water rates plus council tax

maintenance bills

 

rice with vegetables & nuts

fruit pots of milk butter cheese

yoghurt bread some chocolate oats

litre of plonk

 

car insurance test & road

tax before you fill the tank

wiper blades repairs new treads

finance & fines

 

glucosamine collagen

multivit’n’minerals

walnut oil biloba leaf

wing & a prayer

 

not to mention family clothes

college travel bed & board

holidays & birthday gifts

shall I go on

 

*

 

wrong moon Blue

 

what a waste of time

rocket fuel & dreams aside

setting worlds apart

 

salvage hauliers

bent on totting what we find

really it’s a crime

 

though the comet's fine

lovely specimen of deep

interstellar ice

 

probably retains

isotopes from primal stars

gone but not reborn

 

still the basic trip

was it worth that lonesome blip

of intelligence

 

*

 

noël coward

 

Christmas past ennui

Airfix kits unfinished faint

whiffs of scotch & cramp

twisted promises

no but cold & damp despite

both electric bars

BC natural gas

’sixty-five or six I guess

by the furniture

melancholy’s first

outing has me shuddering

try & turn it off

having failed to see

through the stillness into wow

this is how it goes

 

*

 

broken tooth fairy

 

stop this bleeding world

fetch the tourniquet before

Shitface hits a fan

 

pardon me it's French

Dumbo comprehend the term

Anglais savez-vous

 

anyroad what’s said

won’t be taken down no score

draws included see

 

off the coupon Blue

read the bearer what they’re owed

straight between the lines

 

it's a joke don’t laugh

picking funny bones with death

duty Royals oof

 

*

 

mirage-à-trois heures

 

gently laughing waves

break along the giddy shore

Party Tricks-on-Sea

 

what no leeks at home

send a politician out

fifteen bob in change

 

has inflation come

back again or is it my

mathematics phew

 

thought I’d lost it then

sixty-five’s a funny age

better get some checks

 

saw a Zodiac

full of snowman saboteurs

landing on the beach

 

*

 

Dad’s Barmy

 

paper tiger wrestling blacked

out without the radio

on or slow to sleep while cold

drunk to my toes

 

you’ve mistaken me before

ghost of Christmas-never-was

full of western promises

broken of course

 

as the ageing mouse that roared

World War Three & right to cry

wolf although I’ve lived a life

mainly in peace

 

somewhat English love to show

off my feelings once a year

own a pet gorilla suit

worn underneath

 

won’t be pigeon-holed for long

homing instincts working class

inverted aristocrat

nailed to the mast

wot, no colour?

Saturday, 1 January 2022

ontology for dummies


a skoal on Heineken

 

if the price of booze doesn't go up

soon the world is surely gonna end

prudence shouldn’t mean Thou Shalt Not spend

draining the cup

 

during the fifth century BCE

when the Greeks had their supremacy

oldsters drank all night then curled their toes

praising the gods

 

now in armfuls neo opioids

flood the market bringing joy to those

celebrants of hypochondriac

slay me a cock

 

friends this ain’t no time for turning back

raise your standards kick the saintèd arse

downstairs & drown Falstaff in his sack

Crimbo at last

 

Hovis Bunsen stand for president

Jed make way for youth on crack cocaine

send this dirty year back whence it came

that’s what I meant



 

wild robot stew

 

lobster cheese is off

so the waiter wants to know

if we’re up for it

 

take a peek at you

cos I know your preferences

rarely stretch that far

 

but today you’re game

call it vegetarian

all except the name

 

proof of it’s the taste

rich in sautéd graphics cards

wire noodles stir

 

fried capacitors

best of all comes sprinkled with

shredded memory boards

 

 


ontology for dummies


nothing exists

if it didn’t we'd be somewhere else

nor would anyone be having this

argument which as you say we aren't

 

wisdom of fools

serves us both as enemy & friend

you & I camped out at Loggerheads

individual conspirators

 

Marx would agree

thesis antithesis synthesis

feudalism leading capital

down the banks & up the garden path

 

Groucho that is

Karl I daresay'd put it otherwise

wrote a book I'll read when time allows

which it won’t prefering Sherlock Holmes

 

so here we go

Socrates you never listened while

Mozart's Requiem had even God

calling home the bloody Prodigal

 

 

 

thus spake Lady Superman

  

long before they understood

people practised genocide

ploughing fields diluting skies

Mammon was praised

 

overwhelming humankind

bugs have done this underhand

service as extinguishers

clearers of decks

 

such recovery how grand

seldom in the course of time

has a harvest filled the sacks

species galore

 

like the giant meteor

civilisation just left

fifty million promised lands

desertified

 

counting insects coral reefs

giant fossils cancer wards

shellfish mites & stuff on shelves

boggles the mind

 

*

 

Lady Superman remains

buried though the grave survived

through antiquity her corpse

mummified well

 

hewn from skin & bone a mask

bears the imprint of her face

while the stone sarcophagus

buggers belief

 

paragon of nurture she

reigned before inhuman greed

started worshipping itself

Lady S stood

 

less in effigy than flesh

was adored by all a queen

bee could look her in the eye

she’d hardly blink

 

though she died as humans did

when their time was called yes luck

had it matriarchs were doomed

kingdoms next up

 

*

 

here’s the gist of what she preached

once upon a time my dears

maiden aunts & uncle queers

made their own beds

 

every night in different groves

snug as careless borogroves

far above the forest floors

long before wars

 

scared the scar-faced immigrants

folk would sing & dance all day

eating fruit & drinking whey

ants in their pants

 

babies clinging round their necks

did I call them virgins nay

families were more like packs

people were gay

 

cavaliers not roundheads they

lived & died the natural way

spoke in consequential terms

sometimes ate worms

 

 

 

a soap impression

 

cop mistakes her hubby for a hat

gun it's easy done & fancy that

saw a lobster Leonard Bernstein scored

during the war

 

no the Sixties book by Oily Socks

sorry wrong again Oliver Sex

zooming Delvaux & René Magritte

under my feet

 

look it takes a spook these days to tell

criminal & decent folk apart

half the time with immigrants from hell

heavenly scent

 

the ol’ factory nerves get twisted see

gosh what isn’t going wrong with me

all that Night Train glycerine we sunk

walking the plank

 

take this down my life you'll get us shot

hardly means a thing but just the job

pays the mortgage it's that other mob

working the plot

 

 

half burnt half baked

 

time he put his brogue

down & gave us all a break

little but a rogue

cheap at half the price

should have made his bargain but

Hovis shall be sliced

yet another year

toast the blighter pumping stale

phony Christmas cheer

secret weapon Geek

fire stuck for words I say

start another war

Bunsen burners out

back to back then walk & turn

Pentecostal doubt

never the never!